


everything i didn't say

by sanguinekitten



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, Fluff and Angst, Idiots in Love, M/M, Mutual Pining, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Romance, daichi tries helping them get their shit together and fails, i finished haikyuu in a week and am now going through a post haikyuu phase, kenhina if you squint really really really hard, they're just stupid lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-04
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-15 18:20:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29193693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sanguinekitten/pseuds/sanguinekitten
Summary: Sweet words strangle him and soft touches curl his toes, but hell if he's going to let that stop him walk Hinata home and maybe, just maybe, fall asleep in Hinata's house again.or: Kageyama's scared and Hinata's an idiot.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio
Comments: 17
Kudos: 89





	everything i didn't say

**Author's Note:**

> hi ! so this is my very first haikyuu fic ! i hope you all enjoy :) head over to my tumblr[ snowbertlover ](https://snowbertlover.tumblr.com/) and i really hope this fandom isn't dead yet

It all happens slowly for Kageyama.

Maybe it was when they first successfully launch the oddball quick, or when they first eat lunch together and Hinata shares his milk. No matter when it happens, the fact remains that his heart pounds and his face flushes and his stomach cartwheels in the way it only does when he's on his third set and it's a deuce at match point. It happens randomly - sometimes they're just practicing or warming up or walking home and he can't quite pinpoint the moments when his chest warms and his legs wobble.

Eventually the sharp cartwheels settle into a dull ache right in the pit of his stomach, always there and forever throbbing. He wakes up and the first thing he does is text Hinata, and the ache throbs. It's an odd thing, but Kageyama thinks that maybe he just had something bad to eat. 

After they practice together during break time, Hinata's smile sticks in Kageyama's mind. Kageyama doesn't think much of it - that smile is too bright and too blinding so of course it would linger in his thoughts. The ache throbs again and for some reason he's in a good mood despite his stomach ache.

He's always been hyper-aware of Hinata on court. He has to be, or else his toss will miss and their quick will fail. But right when he's about to toss and spots Hinata in all his glory, jumping to a height barely human, skin glowing and hair ruffled, Kageyama feels weak. His toss is almost off and Kageyama knows it's because the ache throbbed and his knees wobbled.

He thought maybe it was because he didn't warm up properly, but he made sure to warm up well today. He thought maybe it was indigestion but the ache has made its home in his stomach and that is definitely not how indigestion feels like. He's tried everything he can but his body is losing control and after discussing it with Hinata, who can't figure it out either (of course he can't, he's an inexperienced dumbass) Kageyama goes to consult Daichi.

"Daichi-san, I have a slight problem," Kageyama begins. "I may be having stamina and focus problems."

Daichi frowns. "What do you mean? You played well today."

"My breathing and heartbeat are irregular. It's not a big deal now, but when we play difficult and longer matches it's going to be a conflict of stamina," Kageyama explains. "My hands and legs feel shaky sometimes, and it's not because of lack of warm up. My focus is messed up too. I can only concentrate on Hinata most times."

"On the court?" Daichi asks.

"What?"

"You can only concentrate on Hinata on the court?"

Kageyama hesitates. "No, off-court too. When I'm practicing alone I imagine I'm tossing to Hinata."

"And?" Daichi prods.

Kageyama is confused. "What do you mean, and?"

Daichi sighs. "Is it too much to hope you would start waxing poetic about his smile?"

Kageyama flushes. It is a nice smile, after all. "Daichi-san! What about my stamina problem?"

"So you can't regulate your breathing and your heart beats fast. Your legs feel like jelly. You sound like you're tired," Daichi says.

Kageyama considers it. "But I'm not. I always have too much energy when I feel like that, like a sugar rush or something." He adds, "Oh, there's my stomach condition too."

"Stomach condition?" Daichi asks.

"My stomach has a weird ache that...well, it feels like tiny Hinatas running and jumping around. It's not like any I've had before," Kageyama says. "I've been considering going to the doctor."

Daichi stares at him. "When does this happen?"

Kageyama thinks. "Random times. During practice. On the way home. Mostly during practice, though."

Daichi continues to stare and Kageyama's sure that his eyeballs are going to fall out. Finally, he speaks. "And this happens when Hinata is around?"

Kageyama thinks again and tries to remember all the cases. There was the time he and Hinata tied while racing to the gym. There was the time they shared an umbrella and Hinata pressed himself against Kageyama. There was the time they did a particularly successful toss and Hinata blinded him with that smile - God, that smile.

Kageyama nods. "Yes...I'm getting the weird stomachache again."

"Right now?" Daichi asks.

Kageyama nods.

"Were you thinking about Hinata?"

Kageyama nods.

Daichi slumps and buries his face into his palms. Kageyama wants to say that it's an overreaction for a simple stamina problem and he probably just needs some breathing exercises or something. It's really nothing to despair over and it's not like it's affecting his play that much yet.

"Kageyama...what do you like most about Hinata?" Daichi asks after he lifts his face from his palms.

Kageyama frowns. It's a random change of subject but probably to improve his teamwork...or something. His first impulse is to snap, "Nothing." but he doubts that would go well with the Captain so he considers it.

"He's fast and jumps high so he can match my toss. I don't feel like anything's holding me back." It's the truth, but why does it feel like he's hiding something? He adds, "I like it when he spikes my toss." And he does. There's something about Hinata calling for his toss, and Hinata in the air, and Hinata spiking the ball, and Hinata positively beaming at him and oh no his legs are weak again.

Daichi sighs. "Okay, uh, just continue to practice. I don't think it's something we should worry about."

A week later, Daichi pulls Kageyama to the side and tells him he's in love. 

Kageyama? In love with Hinata?

Kageyama wants to laugh, but he has a scary feeling that it's true.

* * *

It all happens quickly for Hinata. 

He's always thought Kageyama was attractive despite himself. His heart has always been a little weird around him. But it takes a split second for it to go from "weird" to "dropping into his stomach and making him feel happy and warm and fuzzy and excited and hahahaha oh shit he has a huge crush on Kageyama now".

It's when Kageyama comes over to do some homework - which they don't end up doing obviously - and they turn on the TV. Somehow Kageyama falls asleep (Hinata doesn't even know how that's possible when Kageyama already slept through all his classes today. No wonder he's so tall) right on Hinata's shoulder. 

His head is big and heavy. Hinata has to angle his head farther away to give him enough space and is about to complain how he's going to get neck cramps after this when his breath hitches.

Kageyama is weirdly pretty when he's asleep. His trademark scowl is absent and Hinata can see the relaxed curve of his lips, free of all tension and spite. His nose is pretty, too, as it twitches and flares. His hair flops over his eyebrows and Hinata resists the urge to brush it to the side.

Hinata knows Kageyama is hot - that's a fact, with his toned muscles and sharp jawline, but all Hinata can think of is how pretty and delicate Kageyama looks right now. 

Kageyama pushes his face into the crook of Hinata's neck, and Hinata can feel his inhales and exhales. "Turn off the TV, dumbass, I'm trying to sleep," he says. The words form vibrations on Hinata's skin and chills down his spine, and Hinata freezes as his heart stops, like it's scared to wake Kageyama up, too. 

Kageyama is almost nuzzling Hinata now, and it's all Hinata can do to control the warmth in his chest and flush in his cheeks. He reaches for the remote to turn the TV off, keeping his shoulders still so as not to wake the boy lying on his shoulder. Then he carefully lifts Kageyama's head from his shoulder, his face burning at this point, and places it on his lap. 

The crook of his neck is cold and empty now. With Kageyama's standoffish attitude, Hinata assumed that he would hate any kind of physical contact, but he learned quickly in the months of their friendship that Kageyama was shameless with skinship as long as he was comfortable enough. Hinata should be used to it by now, and he really thought he was. A hot boy's face inches away from his; it was a shock at first, but eventually he knew it was just Kageyama snoring and snuffling.

So why does he find snoring and snuffling Kageyama so damn pretty today?

Hinata knows the answer. It's just his luck to have a crush on Kageyama Tobio.

* * *

Kageyama feels a sense of pride whenever someone refers to him and Hinata as best friends. It's gratifying that people know the two of them have something special between them, whether it's friendship or companionship or...something else. 

Hinata is his first friend in several years, and he never realized how good it feels to be part of a unit. Kageyama and Hinata, 9 and 10 - that's who they are. It's stupid, but Kageyama feels like he belongs to Hinata and Hinata belongs to him.

Kageyama probably does belong to Hinata - no matter how much he pretends otherwise, he's wrapped around Hinata's finger - but Hinata doesn't belong to him. That's painfully clear.

Kageyama has one friend. Hinata has too many to count. Who wouldn't be friends with the embodiment of the sun itself? Hinata's nice enough to sit with Kageyama most times during lunch, but other times a crowd surrounds a head of bright orange hair and Kageyama, like the coward he is, spends the break tossing a volleyball against the wall.

Hinata helps him meet other people, but there's something so frustrating about people who aren't Hinata. Everyone looks dull and boring without bright orange on their head and an irritatingly infectious smile on their lips. It's a slap in the face when Hinata introduces Kageyama to the dullest, most boring girl he's ever seen. Eventually the girl gets the message and stops talking to him, but it's an even bigger slap in the face when Hinata starts liking Kozume.

That's how Kageyama sees it, anyway. They talk everyday and Hinata has that trademark grin stupidly plastered on his face. It's always "Kenma this, Kenma that", and Kageyama wants to grab him by the collar and tell him to stop talking about Kozume because Kageyama's right here so why can't he talk about pork buns and milk and Kageyama instead?

"Oh, Kageyama!" Hinata says when Kageyama walks in on them video-chatting. "Say hi!"

He pretty much shoves the phone right in Kageyama's face, who tries his best not to glare. There's a moment of awkward silence where Kageyama wants to push the phone back to Hinata and Kozume wants to disconnect from the call until Hinata's face appears again when Hinata finally does pull the phone away from Kageyama and keeps blabbing on. 

He mentions Kageyama once - to bring up the subject of his mysterious stomachache (Kageyama knows now that it's not a stomachache and instead his feelings so he winces a little bit when Hinata talks about it). Kageyama turns to leave. "I guess we're not gonna practice your spikes," he mutters. It's a poor excuse but Hinata doesn't seem to care.

As he walks away he hears Hinata say, "Whoa, your hair! It looks so cool!" and feels an inexplicable sense of anger. Hinata never says anything about his hair.

He'd be lying if he says he isn't jealous. It's unfair that Hinata's untethered to Kageyama, while Kageyama is irrevocably tied to him.

* * *

Hinata loves it when people call Kageyama his best friend. Never mind that he has the biggest crush on his so-called best friend, which is probably not what best friends do.

It's definitely not what best friends do.

But Kageyama's hot and pretty and talented and annoying so how can Hinata not like him? Hinata catches himself staring at Kageyama's bare back whenever they change and hurries to look away only to stare at Kageyama's bare chest this time.

When he was in junior high, he helped his friends with girls and they helped him with boys. He overhears Suga and Asahi pushing Daichi to talk to Yui while Nishinoya and Tanaka help each other win Shimizu's heart. He hears from Kenma that Kuroo's trying (and failing) to help him get together with some boy (he refuses to tell Hinata who it is) and Hinata feels like that's the kind of thing he should do for Kageyama.

Hinata doesn't know if Kageyama likes guys or girls - they never talked about it - so he sets her up with a girl first to be safe. The girl, Hitomi, asked for Kageyama's number a few days ago. Hinata was oddly angry at first but eventually agreed to set them up.

Hitomi's nice and pretty, and Hinata honestly thinks that she and Kageyama would go well together, but a part of him, a huge part admittedly, hopes the date crashes and burns.

And it does.

"Why did you just walk out?" Hinata asks incredulously.

"I told you. I needed to practice." Kageyama is absolutely unapologetic.

"You could have waited for thirty minutes at least!" Hinata says. "You left after ten!"

"I wanted to try a float serve," Kageyama says.

"You ordered the food to-go! Who does that on a date?"

"She was boring," Kageyama replies.

"You're boring!"

"Okay."

"Okay!"

"...You're a dumbass, though."

Hinata gapes at him. "I'm not the one who left a date after ten minutes!"

Kageyama shrugs. "I wasn't interested."

Hinata scowls. This is why he doesn't have a chance.

When Kageyama isn't interested, he makes it clear. And he makes it painfully clear that he isn't interested in Hinata.

* * *

Sometimes Kageyama wishes he could show his feelings just a little bit better. Sometimes he wishes he could make it clear to Hinata that he isn't interested in anyone...except Hinata himself. It would spare him a lot of trouble at least.

Hinata tries setting him up with several people and always ends up saying, "Why aren't you interested?" (to which Kageyama wants to reply, "Because they're not you.") or "They're nice - you just have to get to know them!" ("I don't want to. They're not as nice as you.") or even "Do you have any feelings at all?" ("Yes, unfortunately - they're all attuned to you.") 

Sometimes he feels a rush of daring and bravery and adrenaline and he feels like he's about to do something to make it absolutely clear, but then he feels like a coward again at the last moment and what happens is a half-assed attempt at being nice or covering it up. It's when Hinata's half-lidded and dangerously close to falling asleep and Kageyama wants to run his fingers through Hinata's hair until he realizes the role he's playing so he tugs on it instead. It's when he's about to blush and smile but remembers Hinata thinks his smile is scary and who the hell blushes anyway so he masks it with an absolutely blank expression (if you look closer you can still see pink warming his cheeks). It's when they're alone together and the air is quiet and Kageyama swears he's about to let awful sweet words fall from his mouth but then he chokes and they turn into comments about volleyball on the way out. Kageyama resolves that perhaps the universe just doesn't want anyone else to know, least of all Hinata, and he must admit, it's probably better that way. 

That doesn't stop him from spending extra hours helping Hinata refine his skills, or extra change buying Hinata pork buns, or extra sweaters in an attempt to warm Hinata up when that stupid stupid idiot forgets it's cold outside ( _how_ can you forget? It's literally December). It definitely doesn't stop him from spending all his emotions on Hinata (Kageyama has a theory that his emotions are limited resources because there's no way feelings like these are infinite and, well, the sooner it all goes away the better), whether it's anger or concern or happiness or love or jealousy or thrill. 

Sweet words strangle him and soft touches curl his toes, but hell if he's going to let that stop him walk Hinata home and maybe, just maybe, fall asleep in Hinata's house again because he likes that he woke up in Hinata's lap with Hinata's soft gaze on him (he was probably imagining that last part though). 

* * *

Kageyama walks him home again, and it's on these walks when Hinata's mind betrays him by thinking that maybe he does have a chance. It's hard to squash these thoughts when Kageyama's footsteps fall at the same time as his pedals go up and down, and his heartbeat hammers so loudly that he can imagine it's Kageyama's too. Kageyama's quiet breathing distracts him so he makes sure to talk loudly without stopping. His words trip over each other but Kageyama's exhales don't reach his ears and burn his cheeks so he sees it as a win anyway.

He talks about anything and everything, trying his best to reach for topics at the very back of his mind. He talks about volleyball and his exam yesterday and the failing results of said exam and volleyball again and Natsu and new shoes and how he crashed into a tree and when he starts talking about Kenma Kageyama's scowl changes from fairly amiable to strained. Hinata trails off, but quickly switches topic when Kageyama's rugged breaths make his heart jump in his chest. 

"Wow, are you cold?" Hinata scrambles for another topic. "I am."

"Of course you are," Kageyama replies. "You packed your blue sweater, you dumbass."

Hinata wills his heart to shut up because _why does Kageyama know his blue sweater is thinner than his black sweater oh my God._ "I didn't know it would be this cold," he mumbles. He's almost knocked off-balance when he feels a fabric flung over his head. 

"Hey!" he exclaims. He wobbles before bringing his bike to a stop and removes the offending object from his eyes. He glares at Kageyama. "Are you trying to get me injured?"

Kageyama scowls back. "Use that."

Hinata realizes that the object thrown at him is, in fact, a sweater. "Oh." He swallows. He slips it on and it's so obviously Kageyama's in the way the sleeves hang past his wrists and the hem almost reaches his knees. He feels his cheeks heat up. "Thank you."

Kageyama looks cold when Hinata looks up to him. His cheeks are pink - probably from the chill - and his posture is stiff. He's staring so intently that it makes Hinata squirm. 

"You're cold," Hinata says. "Do you...want your sweater back?" Because why else would he be staring so hard?

"I gave it to you. Why would I want it back?" Kageyama's scowl deepens and Hinata can hear the unspoken "dumbass" that punctuates the end of the sentence.

He shrugs. "You look mad."

"You look stupid."

Hinata glares and they start trading insults, but the atmosphere feels oddly tender while Hinata's enveloped in Kageyama's sweater. Eventually they turn to calmer conversation, and Kageyama clears his throat. 

"Daichi-san told me something." Hinata doesn't understand why his voice is so strained.

"What?" he asks. It's probably about volleyball, but there's something about Kageyama's voice - a slight wobble or an edge of nervousness - that makes it seems so much heavier.

There's a pause and Hinata can hear Kageyama's exhales again, which seem even more forced and rugged than usual. The cold must be getting to him.

"I should help you work on your receives more," Kageyama says finally. Hinata frowns. That was way more anticlimactic than what the earlier tension suggested.

"Okay, but I'm already working on it with Nishinoya-san," Hinata says.

"Well, work harder," Kageyama snaps. "Maybe you should spend the time you use to find me useless dates on learning how to receive properly!"

"Hey, that was one time!" 

"Three."

"They approached me first!"

"You didn't even get the gender right," Kageyama grumbles.

"How was I supposed to know?" Hinata protests. "You never told me!"

Kageyama rolls his eyes and mutters under his breath something that sounds suspiciously like "dumbass".

Hinata starts pulling off the sweater when they arrive at his house, but Kageyama stops him. "Just give it to me tomorrow."

Hinata nods. "Oh. Okay then. See you tomorrow."

Hinata hesitates. He wants to invite Kageyama to stay over, but then that means Kageyama will have to walk home even later in the cold dark night, and if the red face is anything to go by, he doesn't think Kageyama can handle that. 

Hours later, while he's lying on his bed and Kageyama's sweater is bunched up in his chest, his finger hovers above the call button in Kageyama's contact. The sweater doesn't smell like Kageyama, not exactly - the Kageyama he knows smells like sweat and air salonpas and sometimes he wonders if Kageyama smells like volleyball or volleyball smells like Kageyama - but he smells the familiar detergent that's barely present on Kageyama's uniform. It's comforting and makes him miss Kageyama's voice. 

"I just want to check if he's safe," Hinata argues with himself. "I took his sweater, after all." 

In the end he places his phone facedown on his desk and turns to struggle through his English homework. The next time he checks his phone is an hour later, and by then he's missed the notification that soon lights up his screen.

* * *

Kageyama's cold and disappointed.

And slightly in love, but that's besides the point.

He's halfway home when he spots Hinata's favorite restaurant. It's chilly and his stomach is grumbling so what's the harm in stopping to buy yakitori? Never mind that he (accidentally) buys enough for two and that Hinata loves kawa yakitori. And never mind that his feet somehow manage to turn him towards the other direction and step forward into the road that just happens to lead to Hinata's house. 

Never mind that his heart is beating like he's sprinting laps up and down a two hundred meter hill and never mind that he finds himself rehearsing the words "I like you" in his head. 

_I like you._

_I have feelings for you._

_I see you as more than a friend._

_I'm in love with you._

_Daichi-san didn't actually tell me to improve your serves._

_I enjoy spending time with you._

_I care about you._

He reaches Hinata's house again. It's the second time in thirty minutes he's standing here, but this time Hinata isn't beside him looking ridiculous(ly adorable) in his favorite sweater. Kageyama's hands are shaking - not just from the cold - when he takes his phone out.

He types and retypes several messages until he finally settles with "come outside." 

The cold bites as Kageyama stands outside, nerves buzzing in suspense. After what feels like two hours (it's actually ten minutes, but that's long enough considering it's five degrees out) Kageyama deletes the message and makes his way back home. The journey seems even colder than before.

* * *

**Kageyama**

~~come outside.~~ [deleted message]

**Hinata**

what? [seen 10:02 p.m.]

**Hinata**

what?? [seen 10:03 p.m.]

**Hinata**

WHAT??? [seen 10:04 p.m.]

**Kageyama**

nothing. go to sleep. 

**Kageyama**

~~good night.~~ [deleted message]


End file.
